A new beginning

I guess the first thing is to tell the story about how I became a single mom of six. You hear stories all the time of men cheating on and leaving their spouses. I like many thought that would never be me. I trusted and loved my husband. We had been through so much together and we always made it work. I guess I should have known, that amount of fighting wasn’t healthy in a relationship, but I thought all relationships have fighting, it always takes work. I was just happy he was there and never hit me, which is a stupid reason to be with someone now that I think about it. But that’s what he would always tell me, if I left him I would end up with someone who beats me and goes out drinking with friends all the time. I guess that’s how he tried to control me so I wouldn’t do what he did, I don’t know.

It all begins with finding out I was pregnant, we didn’t know it was twins when we found out, but our daughter wasn’t even a year old yet. And then we were told we had three months left in the house we were in because the landlord was selling it. We were both working two jobs then, I was working at my computer job and delivering pizza, and he was working security and delivering pizza.

We decided that we would move in with my parents, it was his idea, I knew it wouldn’t work out well because of how different he was than my family. But in the end, we had no other options. He wanted to take my brothers room, but I didn’t want to sleep in the room that two of my grandparents had died in. He didn’t understand, it caused fights, where I was accused of not caring about what he wanted. I would have normally caved in and gave him what he wanted, as I always did to avoid the fights. But I felt strongly about it, so I stood my ground.

I’m guessing that’s where it ended for him, because by this point, he had quit his delivery job, and convinced me to quit too to try and hinder our old boss as much as possible, not just loosing one employee, but two. It was my choice to quit, but as with most decisions I made, I wouldn’t have done it without his support.

So he decided to get another delivery job with the competitor, because he wanted to save as much money for the move. I tried to convince him not to, to just work the one job and spend his free time with me and the kids, he refused, because he, unlike me, didn’t care or need support to make decisions. Marriage was never really about being partners to him, it was more of a legal thing.

But his second job is where he met the first girl (that I know of) that he cheated on me with. Still to this day he lies about it, but he would brag to his friends about it. How he would sleep with her while he was at work so I wouldn’t know, because his goto line was always “when do I have time to cheat, I’m always at work?”. She also happened to be his boss, and also married. He actually showed me a picture of her once, I don’t know if it was secretly bragging to me about it or what.

By the time he started this job, I was six months pregnant with what we just discovered was twins. Living in my parents living room, with our four other kids. So our love life was kind of lacking, but I still tried.

The fighting between the two households was escalating. Mostly about money, but also everyone accusing everyone else of not pulling their weight. I got into the worst fight with my dad than I ever had before trying to defend him. I always defended him and supported him. I trusted him more than anyone.

We decided to move to Texas, because that is where his family was and he wanted to be close to them. It took a lot to convince my parents to goto Texas, neither of them wanted to. But we decided to look for a house in Texas and then my parents would put all of their savings on the downpayment. We found a house and my parents ordered the moving trucks.

By this time we had been living with my parents for two months and the fighting was pretty consistent. I was always defending him to everyone else, but asking him to understand everyone was stressed. This brought more accusations of me not supporting him. I was hoping once the move was done, everything would get better. I didn’t know that he was sleeping with someone else and building a relationship with another person at this time, I thought we were happily married (for the most part) moving closer to his family, even planning to have his brother come live with us.

It wasn’t until they got to Texas that I knew something was wrong. I wasn’t allowed to travel because of the high risks pregnancy due to it being twins. So I, my mom and daughters stayed behind to live with my aunt and uncle until the twins were born. My dad, brothers husband and sons took all the animals and drove to Texas to sign the papers and get the house. When they were leaving, it was hard, we kissed and said our “I love you’s”. He actually told me he loved me, which he rarely did. It was a hard goodbye, knowing he wouldn’t be there for the birth of our twins, but we had no other choice.

I kept texting while they were driving to a minimum. I knew he would text while driving and didn’t want to endanger anyone by texting him.

When they got to San Antonio, they unpacked the trailer and turned it in. While my husband was looking for a hotel, everyone was getting impatient. They had just drove for 18 hours straight, and with all the animals in the cars, it got stinky. My brother sent him a message telling him to “hurry up asshole” and he went off. This is what I’ve gathered from what everyone as said, as I was not there. My brother sent my husband that message and flipped him off, my husband then charged at the car they were in, yelling. Causing them to drive off. Then I got a message from my husband telling me he doesn’t want to be part of my family anymore, he just wants to be in the kids life, that’s it. I didn’t realize then that that was him leaving me, I thought it just meant we wouldn’t be able to all live together. He never told me that he didn’t want to be with me, just that. I figured he was angry and needed a break to blow off steam. It wasn’t till I got the divorce papers, also sent through text message, that I realized something wasn’t right. So I tried to call him. At this point he had been away from my dad, just him and the boys for several days. He wouldn’t answer the phone, I kept trying, until he blocked me. This is when I went through the phone logs.

He had been messaging one number, every day, the entire time he was at work, since June. For two months he was texting someone 12 hours a day straight. It would begin at 8am when he left, and end a few minutes before he came home at 8pm. Then the beginning of August, a new number started getting messaged. Including during the drive to Texas, he was messaging this number constantly while driving. I didn’t understand, I was eight months pregnant with his twins and he was in another state refusing to actually talk to me.

When he finally unblocked my number, I told him that I wanted him to drop our sons off with my dad so that he can get them registered in school. Of course I did this through text because I didn’t even bother trying to call him again. He didn’t even argue, just said ok and dropped my sons off. I didn’t realize having them was causing so much strain on his new relationship, that I still didn’t know how advanced it was.

Over the next month, he would just attack me in text, telling me how marrying me was the worst mistake he ever made. How our relationship had been over since I had left him for another guy after our first daughter was born (13 years ago, before we were even engaged). It was causing insane health issues for me and the twins I was still pregnant with. He was mad that I wouldn’t submit the divorce papers to the court, even tho I had explained he put on them that I wasn’t pregnant and me submitting them to the court would make me as fraudulent as he was writing up the paperwork.

I wasn’t able to sleep, or eat. I started smoking because that’s all I could do to calm down. Everytime he messaged me my heart rate would spike to 130 while sitting, my blood pressure would also rise to 150/100. I tried to explain that he was doing more damage to me and the twins with these constant attacks. He didn’t seem to care, he just wanted his divorce. One night when I called him out on not even being able to talk to me on the phone, he offered a three way call with me and his new girlfriend. This is a man that I had been with for 15 years, had four kids with, with two on the way, completely shutting me out.

I went into labor at 36 weeks and four days. By the time we got to the hospital I was fully dilated with my daughter butt first in the birth canal. Because of the way the twins heads were positioned, they needed to perform and emergency csection. I didn’t even get to see my son when he was born, they rushed him to the nursery because he wasn’t breathing right. I had to wait until I could walk to go see him. 12 hours after giving birth I got out of bed to go see him. It was so hard looking into their eyes feeling like I failed them. I couldn’t even get them to 37 weeks, I was a horrible mom, and because of me, they didn’t have a dad either.

I didn’t tell him the were born, he sent me a message on our third day in the hospital, just apologizing for everything. This gave me hope, hope that he was wanting to fix us and be a family again. I still didn’t tell him. Later I found out that he sent that message while on the plane flying out to go get his girlfriend. He refused to fly with me. When I was pregnant with our first daughter and had to be life flighted, he refused to fly. When my sister bought us tickets to Australia and Hawaii, he refused to go because he wouldn’t fly. But he flew to go pick up his new girlfriend to move her to San Antonio. He didn’t tell me this till later, probably by accident. If I had known he was there while I was in the hospital with the twins, I would have told him, but I didn’t. He didn’t tell me he was there, even to stop by and visit our daughters. All he cared about was his new girlfriend.

He would send me random messages after that, asking how everyone was. I always neglected saying anything about the twins. I would just say they were doing fine. He would always turn the conversation to divorce and I would end it. All I wanted to do was talk to him, but it’s also the thing I feared the most. It wasn’t till the end of September, when we were starting to plan our trip to Texas that his messages started changing to regret. Telling me how sorry he was and how he wished he could take it all back. During one of these conversations he let out that he had flown to Nevada to get his girlfriend, that’s when I told him the twins were born when he was there. He got mad. Questioning how I could keep something like this from him. Keep in mind, he actively was sleeping with someone else and building a relationship with a completely different person while still sleeping with me.

I felt bad, maybe if I had told him we would have been able to fix us and be a family again. This sadly, is still a question I ask myself. He has successfully to some point, made me feel like this was my doing. I didn’t try hard enough to keep him. I didn’t show him enough attention. I didn’t sleep with him enough.

When I got to Texas with our daughter and the twins, he came over to see them. He asked if he could bring his girlfriend over, I told him no. He did anyways. She came to the door with her phone out pointed right inside the house, right at me. She was apparently video chatting with her mom and wanted to get my reaction to seeing her. My mother is the one who dealt with it. She started yelling at her to leave. My husband just stood there, still not caring about how his decisions affected anyone else. I had to walk away, while holding our newborn son. Before she walked away, she had to make a point to directly address me and say “all I wanted to do was say ‘it’s nice to meet you Janae'”. I was floored, and devastated. This was the first time seeing my husband since he had left me in Nevada, kissing me goodbye and telling me he loved me, and he had to bring her.

He sent the older kids to the car with her as he came in to see the babies. He tried to apologize but I was crying and couldn’t even look at him, he only stayed for a few minutes before he left to go take our three older kids to Peter Piper.

When the kids got home, they told us how she was taking pictures of my license plate and crap talking my mom to them. This brought my daughter to tears. She loves her nana and couldn’t stand hearing this woman talk about her like that. I told my husband this was not acceptable and shouldn’t be allowed. He denied it happening. I told him that it would be best if he spent time with the kids alone as to avoid issues like this. He got mad blaming me for not being able to see his kids. I told him he was more than welcome to see them anytime he wanted, but I couldn’t have her poop talking me and my family to the kids, as I had not said a bad word about him or his girlfriend to any of them.

Within a week of me being in Texas, he tried to leave his girlfriend. As he says it happened, he tried to leave and she hit herself in the face telling the police he hit her. He was arrested, and sent to jail. He called me, I want to say begging, but it was more like ordering me to bail him out. Against everyone’s better judgment, I maxed out my credit cards to bail him out. I thought this was it, he would leave her and we would be a family. While he was in jail, after I bailed him out, his girlfriend called me, questioning if I was going to take him back. I told her that is between me and him. I didn’t know it was her when I answered, I thought it was my husband calling me from jail, or the bail bonds, if I had known, I wouldn’t have answered. I didn’t know he gave her my number, to which he still denies. After she called she sent me a text telling me “I’m pregnant btw so enjoy that also ” I congratulated her asking if she knew who the father was. She said “I do, your husband :)”.

I was dumbfounded, how could my husband, who used the twins as one of the reasons for all the stress causing him to leave, be having a baby with someone else?!?

When he finally got out of jail, he had to call me to pay for an Uber so he could get home. I did, because I still thought I was doing this for my husband, not his girlfriends boyfriend. It’s funny, thinking back, that is the only time we ever talked on the phone since he left me, when he needed something from me. He did kind of pay me back, by paying the phone bill, that he still had a line on and refused to pay because he couldn’t afford it.

The first few days after he got out of jail are a blur. He would message me while he was at work, telling me how sorry he was, and how he has to stay with her until his court is taken care of. Then we would argue and his girlfriend would message me telling me to stop being evil to him, calling me pathetic for not moving on with my life. Keep in mind, we are still legally married, we can’t even file for a divorce until we have lived in Texas for six months. Given, he tells me now it was a good thing I didn’t give him the divorce while I was still in Nevada.

She even threatened to take my kids from me at one point, siting the violence in my house. Keep in mind, there is no violence in my home, but my husband has even shown me the pictures of the bruises on his body he gets from her beating him. It was due to this that I put my foot down and said she would not be allowed around our kids. This caused him to not come see his kids but maybe twice a month. He would only be here for an hour or two and barely even talk to the kids. He would sit with our toddler while playing games or texting on his phone. Apparently getting yelled at for even being over here. He blamed me again for not letting him spend time with the kids. I told him he was more than welcome to take the older kids out for pizza, but just him, she was not to be around them. This was not acceptable in their mind.

This went on until January, when my husband and his girlfriend were kicked out of their apartment for having the cops brought out so many times. She has been arrested twice for domestic violence and public intoxication.

In December is when his friend told me that he had been sleeping with his boss from work. He even told me where and how many times. And that my husband had told him not to tell his girlfriend because while he was sleeping with his boss, he was trying to hook up with her… all while still with me. This is when I decided, there is no going back. We will never be a happy family again. My kids will have to grow up in a broken home, something I tried so hard to prevent.

Now he lives four hours away and hasn’t seen the kids, or asked about them in almost two months. Still telling me how sorry he is and how much he regrets what he’s done. Still, without being even able to tell me everything he’s done.